


Are You Pondering What I’m Pondering?

by killerweasel



Series: A Favor [4]
Category: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Pacific Rim (2013)
Genre: Crossover, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-02
Updated: 2013-10-02
Packaged: 2017-12-28 06:27:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,311
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/988801
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/killerweasel/pseuds/killerweasel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Charlie shares some of his 'theories' with Hannibal.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Are You Pondering What I’m Pondering?

Title: Are You Pondering What I’m Pondering?  
Fandom: _Pacific Rim/It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia_  
Characters: Hannibal Chau, Charlie Kelly  
Word Count: 1,264  
Rating: PG-13  
A/N: AU after the events of _Pacific Rim_  
Warnings: n/a  
Summary: Charlie shares some of his 'theories' with Hannibal.

 

Hannibal glanced out of the corner of his eye at Charlie. The smaller man was sprawled on Hannibal’s desk, resting his head on his arms, and he was almost vibrating with energy. Hannibal finished reading the paper in his hands, set it to the side, and then focused his attention on Charlie. “What?”

“I need to talk to you about something.”

Hannibal scowled. “This is going to be another one of your rants again, isn’t it? You’ve got that look in your eyes.”

“Yes? These are things that have been bothering me and I don’t really have anyone else to talk to about it. I tried with Fang and she chased me out of her office with a broom.” Charlie rubbed his hip. “She swatted me and said I was driving her crazy.”

“You probably were.” Fang tried to tolerate Charlie as much as she could, but apparently she had limits. Taking a deep breath, Hannibal motioned for Charlie to begin. He’d heard a few of these rants over the months and the theories they contained never failed to make his head hurt.

“You’ve heard of Clifford the Big Red Dog, right? Giant dog owned by a girl? Who cleans up after him when he goes to the bathroom?”

“Wait a damn second.” Hannibal put his hand over Charlie’s mouth, cutting him off in mid-rant. “How do you know anything about children’s books? I’m not trying to be a dick here, Charlie, but you aren’t exactly great with your reading skills. Don’t tell me you know everything just because of the pictures either.” When he pulled his hand away, he wiped his fingers on his pants. “Go ahead.”

“I may have snuck down to the library from time to time and sat near where they were doing story time with the kids.” Charlie grinned as he got to his feet. “See, you can hang around a library all day if you want, so long as it looks like you’re doing something and they can’t toss you out unless you’re bothering people. Anyways, I would listen to the librarian read the books. That’s how I know these things, Hannibal.”

As Hannibal leaned back, he pictured Charlie sitting in chair, pretending to read a book while listening to the librarian. He doubted Charlie’s friends had any idea he’d done something like that. They would have mocked him about it until he stopped going. Hannibal shook his head. “Continue, Charlie.”

“Anyway, like I was saying, Clifford starts of as this little runt of a dog, right? He could fit in someone’s hand. Then he grows and keeps growing until he’s bigger than a house.” Charlie started to pace back and forth. “How could they afford to feed a dog that big? And then who had the honor of cleaning up after him? Can you just imagine cleaning up a pile of dog shit the size of a car?”

“You do understand that these stories aren’t real, right?” Hannibal rubbed his temple. “You’re talking about a dog the size of a Category I Kaiju. That’s impossible.”

“I know they aren’t real.” Charlie shot Hannibal a look. “These things bother me, man. Maybe some dog food company used him as their spokesdog. Then his owners would get free food. But that still doesn’t explain who would do the Charlie Work of cleaning the mess up.”

“The ‘Charlie Work’?”

“You know, doing all the horrible things no one else wants to do, but they still need to get done.”

Hannibal frowned. “Do you consider the things I’ve had you do before you started the piano job Charlie Work?”

“Nah. I wasn’t bashing rats with a bat or inhaling fumes or cleaning up dead people.” Something must have crossed over Hannibal’s face because Charlie took a step backward. “You gave me a job. There’s a difference.”

Charlie cleared his throat. “Why aren’t scientists after this dog? He’s clearly some sort of genetic mutation. They should be trying to capture him and clone him or something.”

“Maybe because kids would think that was terrifying?”

“Enough about Clifford.” He started to pace again, faster than before. “Curious George is a monkey who has all these wacky adventures where he gets into some kind of trouble that’s resolved by the end of the book and everyone laughs. Really. I must have heard like twenty of those books and they all follow the same pattern. What I don’t understand is why people eat the food that this monkey has touched with his dirty monkey feet.”

“Charlie, I’ve caught you eating cat food twice even though we have a perfectly stocked kitchen.” Charlie had tried to make Hannibal take a bite and almost got a can of cat food shoved up his nose. “How can you possibly complain about what an imaginary monkey’s feet have touched?”

“Would you eat a pizza that a monkey made with its feet? Or candy?” Hannibal made a face. “I didn’t think so.”

“You’re starting to make my brain hurt.”

“I’m starting to make my own brain hurt, Hannibal!” Charlie threw his hands in the air. “For years, the Berenstain Bears were Papa, Mama, Sister and Brother. When Mama popped out another kid they called her Honey. She had a name! Why did she get to be the anomaly instead of following the pattern?”

Hannibal reached into his desk and pulled out a flask. He took a few swallows, shuddering as the alcohol burned a path down to his stomach before holding it out to Charlie. “Don’t put your mouth on it.” Charlie grinned as he took the flask. “Are you almost finished?”

“I could go for days about this stuff.” He tilted his head back and poured some of the flask’s contents into his mouth. “Oh wow, this is good.”

“It should be for what I paid for it.” Hannibal took it back from him. “I’ll let you do two more and then you’re done. Got it?”

Charlie ran his fingers through his hair, making it even wilder than normal. “Franklin the turtle and his sister Harriet are pretty much the only animals in their town who have real names. Everyone else is Mr. and Mrs. Bear, Owl, Goose, or whatever. Why? I don’t know about you, but I’d want my own name.”

“I made my own name.”

“Really?” Charlie blinked. “That’s kinda cool, actually. Who were you before?”

“None of your business.” Hannibal grinned. “One more. Better make it good, Charlie.”

“Right.” He scratched his head. “Oh! There’s this chick, she’s like a housekeeper or something. I think her name is Amelia. Anyways, she takes what people say literally. Like if you told her do draw the curtains, she’d actually get out a pen and start drawing. They always laugh at the end even though she’s destroyed things. And I swear, one of the books, she not only steals a car, but kidnaps a couple of kids in the process. But everyone thinks that’s funny! Would you want someone like that working for you?”

“And you’re done.” Charlie started to say something and Hannibal put his hand up. “I have one for you.” Hannibal waited until Charlie was completed focused on him. “They never said that Humpty Dumpty was an egg, but all the pictures I’ve ever see have him drawn as one.”

Charlie’s mouth dropped. “Damn. You totally just blew my mind.”

Hannibal grinned. “Good. Come on, we’ll go get something to eat. I got more of that green Jell-O you like.”

“How do they make it taste green?”

“That’s one of the mysteries of the universe, Charlie.”


End file.
